Saturday, 27 June 2015

Too much sugar

Something my very close friend said to me this morning. We weren't talking about marriage, actually; it just sort of came out of the blue. It was so striking that I asked her say it again (so I could type it up). I want to remember it.

After I posted this the first time, she went on to say (via email):

'I hope the comment makes sense to readers and helps them to understand that 'wholesome love' (if there's such a phrase) DEMANDS and insists on responsible behavior and accountability from one's partner. This kind of love does not avoid difficult conversations, but in a mature manner, brings up and addresses issues (be they on sex, money, in-laws, or whatever), rather than ignore them with the hope that they will somehow disappear over time. Ignoring stuff does not make the stuff disappear; it only hurts us, and weakens the cord of love and trust in the relationship. Wholesome love is not afraid to insist on being shown love and admiration, and being treated with respect and dignity. Of course, this love is also giving and caring. I'm sure you get what I mean. We must love and treat our spouse right, but we must also DEMAND the same from them, and we should never shy away from bringing up issues that bother us.'


  1. I definitely agree with you. I have always been very vocal and sometimes my spouse takes my vocal nature to represent domineering. I personally learnt to tone it down but it doesn't stop me from saying how I feel. I am 3 years in my marriage and had the most challenging 5 months of my marriage this year. January 2015 - May 2015. Our issue was more of communication and not reaching the same decision we were beginning to live like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in the movie *Break Up* he truth is when one keeps complaining about the same thing and there is no change from the other party. It makes the marriage extremely frustrating and this little constant fights may one day lead to a break up. Its the responsibility of both individuals to want * to want * say how they feel and change.

  2. Thanks for sharing, Tee Mamms. I watched the movie, and I'm glad you guys made it out of that dark place. I think this sort of thing happens in all marriages from time to time, and I agree that it's about wanting better things for one's relationship and fighting to make it happen. Congratulations on your 3 years of marriage, and wishing you many more happy, successful years!

  3. RMJ is back! How did I miss this? :-( Lol

    1. LOL. Hi, Ife. I hope you've been well. Sorry for being such a bore lately.