Wednesday 28 March 2012

Why this blog is necessary


Because as a Christian woman going through a divorce, I need to talk in order to heal. You can only talk so much to your friends and loved ones without sounding like a broken record.

I read somewhere that it takes an average of 2 years to heal from an extra-marital affair. Which friend or loved one can bear a two-year conversation without being driven up the wall? After a while, you begin to sense that your ‘talking time,’ as a person desperate to heal, is up.

As Stacy Morrison (author of Falling apart in one piece: One optimist’s journey through the hell of divorce) put it: ‘My family and friends had gone with me on this journey as far as they could go. I would have to go the rest of the way on my own.” This blog represents ‘the rest of the way’ for me. Through this blog, I can have an endless conversation with myself, with others, until my healing is complete. I can say as much or as little as I want, when I want, when I need to.

This is a process that helps me make sense of the demise of my Christian marriage, and in so doing, create closure for myself.

I have to warn you, though: the blog is not written in chronological order by any means. I write about whatever comes to me, whenever it comes. This is a healing process, and I’ve learned that healing can often be haphazard. 

4 comments:

  1. We are with my sis, take your time. You can say whatever, whenever, in whatever order. Some of us are listening, and this blog is a huge source fo strength and healing for some of us as well. We are together. However, be careful not to respond to people who won't/can't understand where you are coming from. Some comments should not be dignified with a response.

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    1. I'm so touched to hear this - thank you! We are together, indeed.

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  2. Hi Rmj!
    How are you? I've read this post before, but I feel I should pass a comment. I get it when you say there is only so far you can go when talking to friends and loved ones, as after sometime you begin to sense their irritation with you. As one very kind in law said only speak with like mind people who have been through the same experience and another kind Aunt said as God gives one peace, the urge to share the painful experience reduces. I'm praying to get there very soon. Thanks again for this blog as it is so apt!

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    1. Hi, Teddy teddy! I'm doing good, thanks. And thank you for commenting. This was probably the 4th or 5th post that I wrote, although I posted it before all the others. I clearly remember those days when i had so much to pour out that I thought I'd burst. I'm sure I was a complete 'nuisance' back then, but I didn't really care; I did what I had to do in order not to go crazy, lol. If that meant talking someone's ear off, I did it. After all a while, though, I felt like it wasn't 'fair' - but I think that even getting to that point is a sign of the beginnings of healing. I agree with your in-law and Aunt: finding a support system of people with the same experiences is probably really helpful. There should actually be support groups in this part of the world for this sort of thing. I couldn't find any a couple of years ago. I've since heard of one that began recently, but no longer feel like I have a need for it. You will get to where you need to get before you know it. There's just something about time that works like magic. Bless you.

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