Tuesday 29 July 2014

When you want to quit, don’t (Lesson #8)






‘The miracle of continuing.’

This is the phrase that came to me this morning as I thought about Lesson #8. I looked up the word ‘continue,’ which means to ‘persist in an activity or process’ or to ‘recommence or resume after an interruption.’

Essentially, the pace doesn’t matter, as long as the persistence doesn’t wane. And even if it does wane, as long as there is life, there’s always a chance to start off from where you stopped. There is something to be said for just hanging in there.

I can’t help but notice how amazed people are when they see my children after a long time.  One such woman (a married lady) remarked about this publicly at a get-together we both attended; then she pulled me to the side and whispered (almost conspiratorially): Well done!

Her hushed, conspiratorial tone made me laugh, and I understood those two, simple words perfectly: Well done with managing to do this on your own, she meant. ‘They’ thought you would roll over and die, but you’ve ‘shown’ them.

I get this a lot. What people don’t realize, though, is that I have no idea what I’m doing. Like any other parent (whether coupled or single), I have no explicit manual to help me figure out how to raise each of my very different children. This has far less to do with me than people realize. Over the years, I have just done what I could each day, keenly aware of my deficiencies and imperfections. And then one day, I woke up and I had a teenager as tall as me and a seven-year old who looks at least 10. How did they grow up this fast? Certainly not through any miracle that I’ve performed.

With my children, there has never been any question that I would make it to the end with them, no matter what. Even when I can’t see the path that lies ahead of us clearly. When it comes to them, I have what I would describe as a supernatural resolve and determination. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out, we’ll find a way. I will leave no stone unturned to find a solution. And God has truly been faithful.

I’ve wanted to quit many times when it comes to other things, though. Many times, I’ve wanted to take what seemed like an ‘easier’ route on the surface. But I look back and see that I’ve made it through these challenges, not necessarily by doing anything brave or dramatic, but simply by keeping at it – by just getting through my day. Seven days make a week. Do that 52 times, and the year is gone. To others, it may look like much more than that is involved – and sometimes, this is absolutely the case – but overall, it’s about sticking with it and refusing to give in to anything but what God Himself has for you.


There is a miracle in just continuing. Go, go, go – keep going! You’ll get there. 

10 comments:

  1. I am following this series- and enjoying it too- and I too must add my own well done. Up until now I had no idea you had any children, not to even speak of a teenager! It is a testament to your triumph over adversity that your individuality- which so easily becomes buried under mundane, necessary rituals of daily life, shines through so strongly. I am greatly inspired by this to keep on...just living, I guess.
    Thank you

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting, La Joie. Yes, I have two - they'll be 16 and 8 by the end of the year (still can't believe it). Please keep on living. Your life story is such a resource. Well done to you, too. I can't wait to take a week of leave next week; I will be devoting some time to reading your blog from the beginning. Just live, just live, just live!

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  2. Hi RMJ:
    I know I sound like a broken record when I say that your blog posts give me goose bumps. It’s like you are talking about me, to me. I am sure many separated/divorced parents feel the same. Such therapy knowing that I am not alone, and that what I go through is valid – because someone else is going through the same. Sometimes I wonder whether I am going crazy but when I read your posts I confirm that I am of sound mind.
    This month marks 10 years since I got separated. My boy was 10 years old and in class 5. My girl was 7 days old. Today, the boy is going to third year university and the girl is doing well in class 5, she takes position 1 or 2. Many times when am broke and down I have wanted to give up. As I go to bed every night I ask myself for how long. As the children ask difficult questions and as they go through difficult phases in their lives and I have to figure things all by myself, I ask myself how much longer I have to bear this. It’s true, taking one day at a time helps a lot. Thus far we have come not by my might but by the grace of God. As I faced retrenchment from my last employer I wondered what would happen to us. But God came through, quickly and promptly – to provide for us - and I may not be in a job that I would have loved to be at, but I am here for such a time as this. God brought me here and I know He has a reason and a purpose for my being in my current company. Furthermore, we are now provided for and I don’t have to get ulcers figuring out where our next meal will come. Thank you for the message. We shall keep on keeping on. It gets better by the day.
    Sorry for length of this - it’s the only avenue I have to vent my inner feelings.
    God bless,
    Nzilani

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    1. 7 *days* old?? My goodness … You have a story.

      Broken record (I think not)? Thank you very much for sharing this. Inspires me to write further. Wow, 10 years is not a joke. Congratulations on making it this far. Look at how those children have grown (University??)! God is so faithful. WELL DONE, Nzilani. And look at how brilliant they are!

      We all want to give up sometimes – even married parents. That’s what I remind myself of. We all have challenges with our children – married or unmarried. I thank God for my own challenges, and don’t want to exchange mine for anyone else’s.

      Please, don’t apologize for the length (you know I like words), and always feel free to write. I know your comment will really encourage other women in similar situations.

      God bless you!

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  3. There is so much value to the phrase "one day at a time". It's really all we can do sometimes, while trusting that there is a God above who guides the way. Glad the kids are doing well, but I never doubted they would from reading your blog, because they are being raised by such a strong compassionate woman.

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    1. Yes, that's my mantra. Thank you so much. My kids are doing great under the circumstances. Not by might, not by power. It is not of her that willeth, nor of her that runneth, but of the Lord that sheweth mercy. Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. I first stumbled on your blog when I was contemplating divorce. I wish to say thank you, for sharing your journey and life and writing in such a heartfelt manner. Your writing has helped me on countless occasions. I find parenthood one of the most challenging in life, and one which has taught me so much more about life than any other. I have also learned through my profession. And I echo your sentiments, I have no further great wisdom but just keeping at it. As I write, my cousin is on a ventilator, having been pronounced brain dead following a massive bleed, my aunt is distraught as she has to make the decision to take her off the ventilator. I think having the opportunity to "keep at it" is a privilege, one we must all be thankful for.

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    1. Thank you, Anonymous, for letting me know and for visiting. I refer to parenting as the most humbling experience of my life; it has taught me a lot and changed me a lot. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. I can’t even imagine what it is like for you, your aunt, and the rest of your family right now. I pray your aunt receives peace about whatever decision she ends up making. You’ve really hit the nail on the head: even being alive to face and overcome challenges (even if all we can do to overcome them is to ‘keep at it’) is a great privilege. Some people aren’t so lucky. Bless your heart.

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  5. Hi Rmj!

    This is Teddy Teddy, let me add my well done as well as kudos to you! As you have done an amazing job with your children. The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. Thank you so much for this blogspot as it inspires me and says to never give up. Can I tell you? My daughter just graduated from the University of Hull with a 2.1 in accounting! Isn't God just awesome, he always comes through. Thanks once again though I wish I knew what you looked like! Lol !

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    1. Hi, Teddy Teddy - Nice to hear from you! It's been quite a while. Many thanks for the kind words - amen and amen. And neither will He leave nor forsake you. Congratulations on getting your daughter through school, and on her good grades! I can't wait to have a similar testimony. God is good, indeed. Maybe I'll send you a picture ( =

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