I
can live for two months on a good compliment.
----
Mark Twain
Someone
sent me a sweet text message last week.
“I
must say you are indeed a wonderful person. Thanks so much for giving me your
attention.”
Okay,
looking at it now almost a week later, maybe it wasn’t ‘out of this world,’ but
the gesture meant a lot to me and the message warmed my heart. Partly because
it was unexpected and partly because this is someone I really admire and I honestly
didn’t see spending a chunk of my time on her project as a big deal.
And
then my son got back from a 10-day school field trip yesterday. He came into my
room with a wrapped present – for me! I was so, so touched and took it,
protesting about his spending his pocket money on a random gift when it was
meant for purchasing other things while on the trip.
My
heart melted and my eyes welled up with tears after I’d opened up the wrapping
paper and discovered what the gift was:
A
jewelry box!
A
beautiful, glossy jewelry box with two exotic birds painted on it, perched on a
tree. A jewelry box with a sharp mirror on the inside and a good deal of space
in there for most of my earrings!
I
was beyond shocked. I marveled at his good taste – and at the fact that he knew
me so well! I asked him how come, out of everything he could’ve chosen as a
gift, he chose this. He replied that he noticed my old jewelry box was ‘sort of
ghetto.’
Excuse me? Can you
imagine?
He
was right, though, so we had a good laugh about that and I gave him a big hug. We
talked for about 20 minutes about the trip, and then I shooed him into the
bathroom to take a shower and scrub himself thoroughly with a wash cloth. He was
reeking. (Don’t these teenagers take baths on field trips?)
As
he sang in the shower, I transferred my pieces of jewelry to their new home: two
necklaces (which I neither notice nor wear), lots of earrings, and my wedding
ring.
He
mentioned he bought a gift for his sister, too. It turned out to be a cute,
immaculate white stuffed animal-cum-pencil case/purse thingy. It’s a polar
bear. Too cute! Let’s just say I was blessed that he remembered us in this way –
and so was my daughter.
All
this got me thinking of The Five Love
Languages identified by renowned marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman.
Turns out that this is another one of my books that has disappeared into thin
air. So I got online and was pleasantly surprised to find that you can take a
short, 5-minute test to identify your primary love language right here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/.
The website explains that “The Love Language Profile … will
give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It
will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use
it to connect with those closest to you and effectively enhance the relationships
in your life.” It continues: “When we think of love languages, our immediate
thought may be of a romantic relationship. However, we express love and
affection in a variety of contexts and relationships. As you work through the
profile, think of a significant person with whom you are close: a boyfriend or
girlfriend, a good friend, a parent, a colleague, etc.”
The
5 Love Languages in alphabetical order are as follows:
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
At
the end of my test, my primary love language turned out to be (surprise,
surprise): Words of Affirmation.
It
was fun for me to see how I’ve changed since I bought The Five Love Languages book in my first year of marriage. Back
then, I remember there being a close tie between ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Acts
of Service.’ Today, ‘Acts of Service’ came 4th out of the five
languages. That was really interesting to me, and I wondered if it had to do with
the fact that I’ve done so much on my own for so many years that ‘Acts of
Service’ as a love language is just less relevant.
So
I’ve changed and I haven’t changed. I’m still a sucker for words. Words of
affirmation.
What
about you? What’s your primary love language?
Don’t
be shy – do tell!
Acts of service, with Phsical touch and quality time coming in close second and third. I'm inclined to think that most wives would have acts of service, just by the cery nature of 'wifehood'. Unless your hubby is obe of those 'clean freaks'- I've heard they exist sonewhere on this planet, lol. But I think Physical touch is my 'true' love language. Can be quite tactile without even realising it, sometimes. Great post, good food for thought.
ReplyDeleteThat’s a really good point - hadn't occurred to me. Maybe "Acts of Service" is so low on my list also because I live in Africa now and have more than enough help (I hadn't thought about housework at all). Hmmm! 'Quality Time' came next for me, followed by 'Receiving Gifts.' Strangely, 'Physical Touch' came last! I was shocked by that, because I consider myself as being physically affectionate. I suppose it’s because I’m not in a relationship? But I'm 'touchy-feely' with my kids. This thing really depends O!
DeleteFor me, my love language fluctuates between words of affirmation and physical touch, the assessment tests have yielded both at different times, i am not sure one can have two strong love languages,maybe i am strange, i am a touchy- feely person too but I think the primary one would have to be words of affirmation though, i never forget words, kind and unkind, i remember them all....... quality time is next and then gifts, acts of service is last for me o! ,i wonder why that is... maybe i will take the tests again, maybe i will have a clear winner...
ReplyDeleteI think one can definitely have more than one major love language - not strange at all. I was struck by what you said: "I never forget words, kind and unkind." That is so me! I love cards; keep cards for years when I get them and actually re-read them (lol). I'm really making progress in brushing off unkind words, though. I mean, they still hurt, but I'm so much better now at flicking them off and moving on, reminding myself that life's too short and I'm too busy. I think you're just a multi-dimensional woman, which is a good thing (= Thanks for sharing.
DeleteOmg that is so me, i keep cards for years and years too..you what, we are strange..i mean, who keeps cards???
DeleteHa ha ha ha! I've met some people who think my card-keeping ways are strange. Who keeps cards? Well,now I know of at least two people!
Deletemine is a tie btw quality time and acts of service, with words of affirmation coming in 2nd. first time i'm ever taking this profile test, thanks for the link.
ReplyDeleteYou're most welcome, Nkaytchee. Thanks for sharing. Chapman's point in his book is that we all speak different love languages, and when we're aware of that, we're better able to teach our loved ones how to 'love' us in the way that we understand and feel love. And we're better able to love them in return if we know their own love language(s). So happy lovin'. lol
DeleteAwwwh Bless your Son! He's such a sweety!- to think they insist boys aren't that thotful?-I've told them its about the training!we must cheer you on for raising a thotful one..No love language tests for me pls!-no mood for it-(eyes rolling). Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha! Well, perhaps when you're in the mood, then. Thank you. He's a typical teenager who has his sweet moments.
DeleteWash Cloth towel? Let me guess, he also has acne. Or he will soon if you keep insisting on that hygiene hypothesis. Ditch the wash cloth and wash with the finger tips, no nails, wash gently and even without soap, yeah especially without soap on most days, the odor, dryness and itchy skin will give way almost instantly to a glowing clear skin. For more tips check out my ADAM: Africana Drug-Free Alternative Medicine.
ReplyDeleteO-O: Yep. And yep, he does have acne. I can see not using a wash cloth on the face (I don't myself) - but the rest of the body?? I guess I'm just too used to that 'nicely scrubbed' feeling. Thanks for the tip, though - will check it out.
DeleteWAO, rmj, I hardly expected you to admit to the acne of your son. Most people would be too embarrassed to do that but you are obviously a truth-teller. Since you have a scientific mind, go ahead and experiment with the elimination of the wash cloth that clogs up the pores of the skin when you scrub with it. I guarantee that you will notice a miracle the next day as his skin asks you where you have been all these years. If you can, take before and after photos to compare the results even though you do not need to do so as close ones will be the first to ask what is his secret? Let him wash in the morning and before bedtime, soap-free (it is also good for his eyesight, the soap is made from highly inflamable chemicals that have no business near our eyes on a daily basis). As he washes gently with only water on most days, he will feel the dead skin rolling off his skin just like that and he will love it while you save money on soap and wash clothes. Remember to send me a big fat check from your savings to support my research. Spread the good news to the poor. Thou art loosed, woman!
ReplyDeleteOh really? I guess I don't see anything embarrassing about acne or else maybe I would've been tempted to lie - LOL! Almost everyone I know had to battle with acne as an adolescent. Perhaps we were all just washing our faces wrong, but I've always seen it as a normal part of growing up. I will look into this and put a check in the mail if I see results (lol). Thanks, Odozi Obodo!
Delete