tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post6235505359518137611..comments2023-03-07T16:22:52.809+03:00Comments on Remembering My Journey: Why I have no social lifermjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-91474817934446050072013-01-11T21:20:37.052+03:002013-01-11T21:20:37.052+03:00Its good that you never stepped out. Somethings cu...Its good that you never stepped out. Somethings curiosity and the quest to help others lead their lives require drastic steps and i guess that's what the pastor wanted to do. He wanted to know more. But you were so sure you weren't the one called out cos whatever problems he mentioned didn't seem to coincide with yours. I believe that God sees in secret and He who sees in secret, knows even more than anyone can imagine.No one has a right to over-emphasize that!Adaeze Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09526547498295257422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-48076481942138214802012-07-04T21:38:49.057+03:002012-07-04T21:38:49.057+03:00LOL - off to read it, too (it's been a while)....LOL - off to read it, too (it's been a while).rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-80992469783559944092012-07-04T21:38:02.389+03:002012-07-04T21:38:02.389+03:00Yes, it's definitely a good word. Oh, thank yo...Yes, it's definitely a good word. Oh, thank you (about the memoir). It's important to me for my experiences to count for something. I would be a bit bummed out if my experiences were about the pain only, and absolutely nothing beyond that.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-41639540798086814272012-07-04T21:03:43.712+03:002012-07-04T21:03:43.712+03:00I am off to read Proverbs 31 again!I am off to read Proverbs 31 again!Affynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-52931355914510397362012-07-04T21:01:43.048+03:002012-07-04T21:01:43.048+03:00Wow, that is a phrase I am going to have to borrow...Wow, that is a phrase I am going to have to borrow - '...take off the ill-fitting garment and design a new couture one for yourself'. How apt!<br /><br />And yes this blog should become a memoir.Affynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-16262578008213808792012-07-04T17:54:23.560+03:002012-07-04T17:54:23.560+03:00Ha ha ha - your comment is totally hilarious and s...Ha ha ha - your comment is totally hilarious and seriously deep all at once. You have *such* a way with words! That has to be my mantra for the rest of the year: 'Take off the ill-fitting garment and design a new COUTURE one for yourself!' Sorry to hear about that experience - it's hard to lose a friend. I haven't actually been accused yet (at least not to my face), but I understand the context I'm operating in, so I realize that if I'm not cautious, it'll only be a matter of time. <br /><br />You once made a profound statement that I've never forgotten - you said: "I believe that when you understand that you are at liberty to leave, that is precisely when you can become a better wife." I think it's so hard to grasp that, but once you do, you are really free to be the very best you can be; free to truly love, actually. If your behavior is shaped by fear, or by the fact that you have no choice, then you're most likely just paying lip-service to your relationship, and there's no way we can be at our best that way. <br /><br />If we really think about it, the Proverbs 31 woman had tons of swag - check it now. She had it going on, and her husband's fame at the city gate had a lot to do with who she was. He was, in essence, the icing on the cake. <br /><br />I hope I'm turning this into a memoir, too. Will contact you ('live and direct!') - thanks.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-59715543174481178922012-07-04T07:04:46.725+03:002012-07-04T07:04:46.725+03:00As usual, well written and so authentic.
So many...As usual, well written and so authentic. <br /><br />So many things to touch on...where to start? First off...what do you when the world you gave your life to, is no longer tailored to you? Hmmm...you take off the ill fitting garment and design a new couture one for yourself. I know you know you rock, so I won't say it, but I said it already, didn't I?<br /><br />Funny thing, I found myself also accused of being a bad influence...I was in shock. It was not because of my marital status, but I guess because I truly believed that women should be empowered and that I alone was responsible for my own happiness and husbands while they could be wonderful, were the icing and not the whole cake. And for this view and perhaps for the fact that I had swagger, whether my husband was with me or not...I was shunned. And I was stunned. And even though I got over it, it still hurts me to this day. That a woman I called friend, would one day tell me that her husband felt I was a bad influence. I, like you, bowed out immediately, but I was blown away. <br /><br />Anyway, suffice to say...carry on. And I hope you are turning this into a memoir...<br /><br />Let me introduce you to a publisher in Nigeria...A woman who I know can do it justice...I would publish it myself, but I know I can't market it adequately. Send me an email, if you are interested...Ekenehttp://www.refreshwithekene.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-8346788337831343692012-07-03T21:11:46.869+03:002012-07-03T21:11:46.869+03:00Yes, indeed - I can only imagine. Totally agree wi...Yes, indeed - I can only imagine. Totally agree with what you've said. And now I understand much better the appeal of the 'There's something wrong with my church' post. Just occurred to me that divorce holds its challenges for non-Christians, too, but for different reasons, it seems like - or maybe they're not so different. Jessica Bram describes her own experience in her book 'Happily ever after divorce,' saying: "When word got out that Bill and I had split up, the general reaction was one of disbelief, followed by a kind of arm's length sympathy. The dinner invitations came to a halt. Restaurant get-togethers were out of the question, since we could no longer occupy our half of a restaurant table that seated four. As for parties, I could imagine my friends' dilemma - who to invite, Bill or me? It was a likely explanation for why I so quickly became extraneous in our former paired-up social world." I think many Christians react the way they do to divorcees for spiritual reasons (feeling like divorce is 'catching', etc.), but the more practical reasons that Bram gives could play a small part, too. Fortunately for me, my former spouse was hardly ever in town, so we had little opportunity to develop friendships with other couples, and this has probably made it easier for me now.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-13966502170596480632012-07-03T20:12:10.146+03:002012-07-03T20:12:10.146+03:00Your comment and the previous one have made me thi...Your comment and the previous one have made me think about what would have happened had I gone out for public prayer. I actually had not considered the ramifications before now. You are both right about the scenario that would have followed. It is often really tough for people to wrap their minds around the idea that, on the one hand, God is a God of miracles, and on the other hand, some miracles are not necessarily desired. Or around the fact that prayer for a willing wife isn't necessarily enough for a marriage to be miraculously restored. Sometimes, a lot of work needs to be done on the husband, too.<br /><br />'Love deep ...' - I LOVE that! Thank you.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-78268124849981251622012-07-03T14:49:12.776+03:002012-07-03T14:49:12.776+03:00I can only imagine the loneliness for a divorced c...I can only imagine the loneliness for a divorced christian extrovert. Losing friends fast as if being divorced is 'catching'. We still have a long way to go as African christians in accepting divorced people in our churches. Of course every effort should be made at reconciliation where BOTH partners want it. If all fails, I think the church should be the place where healing and support can be found. That is why one of my favourtie blogs here is 'There is something wrong with my church'. <br />There is a point where a person's experiences in life serves to make them stronger and more wise and going through a divorce is no different. We'll get there in our churches... someday.Affynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-38273068843743036292012-07-03T14:35:50.255+03:002012-07-03T14:35:50.255+03:00See that is my irritation with the African christi...See that is my irritation with the African christian - this idea that everything is solved with prayer and fasting - devoid of any thought process. I do believe in prayer and fasting but I also beiieve that God gave us a brain and a heart; and sometimes the difficult decisions may be the best ones in the long run. <br />I totally agree with the first comment on this blog - the 'prophecy' would have been just as she said when you know in your heart that is not what you want. It would have been said in front of the whole congregation and then you'd have to endure tongues wagging as to why you 'disobeyed' a 'prohecy'. I mean why do we even need people to come forward to be prayed for for whatever reason? Don't get me started on that one!<br />Finally, love deep, it's the best way...Affynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-90768246228013027582012-07-03T11:32:26.673+03:002012-07-03T11:32:26.673+03:00LOL @ 'sisthren' - haven't heard that ...LOL @ 'sisthren' - haven't heard that expression in years. I have some non-judgemental, married sisthren, too, so I'm really, REALLY blessed. Can't imagine what my life would be like without them. And non-judgemental 'brethren'! I'm still extremely cautious, though, with those that don't already know me well, or that are new in my life. As for the minister, I really think he meant well and did it out of compassion, but he caught me on the wrong day. I just wasn't in the mood that morning ...rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-31275132199139290942012-07-03T02:52:04.778+03:002012-07-03T02:52:04.778+03:00I have sisthren - colloqual; if there are brethren...I have sisthren - colloqual; if there are brethren, then there are sisthren :) - who are divorced with kids who say a similar thing, one of them shared how she cried out to God and He brought friends to her who were -<br />1. In a similar situation; one is not alone in challenges and<br />2. Non-judgemental 'sisthren'; whatever season one is in, married, divorced, single, widow, we all stand by the grace of God.<br />It is sad that ministers of God operate in this manner and no, you were and are not being unnecessarily sensitive, it is typical in our churches today, so good you did not step out, that's abuse and so wrong. If (and i use if, just to allow for the benefit of doubt) it was meant or intended for you and you DID step out, there would have been the next 'prophecy' of how God will restore, how you need to return to the relationship, have several meetings for strong prayers (and fasting) etc etc. <br />Lord help us and deliver us, they may intend good, but it is truly manipulation and bondage.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com