tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post4870854866687425101..comments2023-03-07T16:22:52.809+03:00Comments on Remembering My Journey: Just say no rmjhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-88613688985245349232013-03-09T15:41:50.253+03:002013-03-09T15:41:50.253+03:00(= Such a vivid description of the process you had...(= Such a vivid description of the process you had to go through to get to where you are now, Kitchen Butterfly. I relate very strongly to the discomfort that can come with saying no, but I seem to feel it less and less with practice.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-48969677583662733652013-03-09T14:21:09.155+03:002013-03-09T14:21:09.155+03:00Ah, so me. For MANY years I didn't know I coul...Ah, so me. For MANY years I didn't know I could even say NO. That it was allowed, and that I was capable. For a long time though after I learnt NO, I was uncomfortable in saying it, loud or quietly. It made me feel 'bad', but then I had to speak to myself, and tell myself the truth...about the intentions which made me say no. Often the fact that they were 'pure', and without malice made it easier for me,<br /><br />Nne, you're doing well. Kitchen Butterflyhttp://www.kitchenbutterfly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-15857867598066906242013-03-05T19:46:14.998+03:002013-03-05T19:46:14.998+03:00Hi, Jemima. It's interesting to see how many p...Hi, Jemima. It's interesting to see how many people struggle with this issue. I was just discussing the same thing with a good friend of mine this week. She was going absolutely crazy because she'd over-committed herself and wasn't getting any sleep. I stumbled upon this article on the same issue today: http://www.drlaura.com/b/How-to-Say-No/653423640878333943.html. <br /><br />Take care.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-83586607602362508842013-03-05T18:13:42.887+03:002013-03-05T18:13:42.887+03:00A recovering people pleaser here too, gosh its so ...A recovering people pleaser here too, gosh its so exhausting saying yes all the time, there are some friendships i have had to withdraw from because the people were constantly running roughshod over me..you know i have discovered same as you that the world does not stop if you say no, the people involved will still sort themselves out...Jemimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18092249245877137976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-91726028581944629682013-02-22T16:08:57.060+03:002013-02-22T16:08:57.060+03:00Awww ... how thoughtful of you. I'm relieved t...Awww ... how thoughtful of you. I'm relieved to hear you don't have similar 'wahala.' Thanks so much for visiting and God bless. rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-64331138912521452382013-02-22T15:14:07.272+03:002013-02-22T15:14:07.272+03:00Thanks for replyin Rmj.I am not tryin to make up m...Thanks for replyin Rmj.I am not tryin to make up my mind about a similar issue.but was just wondering if it was possible for u guys to get back together since he seems sorry.its a good thg that you ve found peace about your new life.all the best sis.God bless you for sharin.will come back soon for ur next post*hugs*Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-77975100859217672872013-02-22T10:40:50.393+03:002013-02-22T10:40:50.393+03:00Happy Belated New Year, Nzilani! Thanks for your p...Happy Belated New Year, Nzilani! Thanks for your profound comment. You're so right. Fortunately, my daughter doesn't have this 'problem,' but I do find that I have to remind my son that he doesn't need to say 'yes' when inside, his real answer is 'no.' Hey, but it's not too late for people like you and me, either. There's still plenty of life left to be lived. All the best. rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-46666081960100341832013-02-22T09:43:15.653+03:002013-02-22T09:43:15.653+03:00Hi RMJ: Nice to have you back. The power of saying...Hi RMJ: Nice to have you back. The power of saying "no". Very powerful. It puts the power back in your hands, instead of letting others have the power over you. It is such a simple thing, yet so profound, and makes all the difference in choices. They say we are our choices, and so saying no can determine the kind of people we will be tomorrow. In high school, our headteacher, one Mrs. Waithaka, used to tell "girls, just say no". but we never got it. We thought she just wanted to cut on our fun with boys, and life. But now, looking back, there are many times in my life I wish I had applied Mrs. waithaka's principles. I wish I had just said no. I am teaching my kids the power of saying no. I hope that one day they will appreciate its power.Nzilaninoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-35794194649302737012013-02-22T07:37:44.270+03:002013-02-22T07:37:44.270+03:00Hi, Anonymous: It blows me away every time someone...Hi, Anonymous: It blows me away every time someone tells me they've read every post after stumbling upon the blog. Thanks so much. My sincere answer to your question is 'no' - LOL! (I'm practicing saying my 'no-s.') But seriously, my answer to this question has always been no, except in the early part of the first year of separation. After that, I was pretty sure, and then became absolutely sure after we'd been separated for a year or so. I think it's really special when people are able to reconcile and build a stronger marriage than they ever had, but that will not be happening in my case. I also think it's rare for that sort of reconciliation to happen when a divorce has already taken place. Before investing that sort of energy in completely dissolving a marriage, people usually tend to give it a whole lot of thought. I had 5 years to think about this and to change my mind if I needed to, so getting back together is not something that I even imagine at this stage. Now, you've made me curious about you and your question: What makes this issue in particular so important to you? Are you trying to make up your mind about something similar? <br /><br />Best wishes. rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-85177740348861406722013-02-22T07:27:18.432+03:002013-02-22T07:27:18.432+03:00I still feel a bit hesitant most times about descr...I still feel a bit hesitant most times about describing myself as 'brave' ... I think maybe I'm just 'jaded' (lol). Sometimes, it all just gets 'old', if you know what I mean. I tend to be a people-pleaser, too, so it's been really fascinating to observe this year that when I do need to say 'no', the world doesn't come to a standstill, and people actually find other ways to sort themselves out. Nice blog you have there, Sugabelly.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-73224702561570239722013-02-22T01:05:58.907+03:002013-02-22T01:05:58.907+03:00Hi Rmj,discovered ur blog on myne whitman's bl...Hi Rmj,discovered ur blog on myne whitman's blog and since then,I ve read every single post of yours.you write really well u know.anyway I wanted to ask a question and I ll really appreciate if I can get a sincere answer.is it possible by any chance that u could go back to ur husband?if u like date again and you realize that he's actually changed and all.pls reply.I really need to knw.thanksAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-55986967369760028192013-02-21T22:45:49.332+03:002013-02-21T22:45:49.332+03:00This is something I feel I need to learn too. I tr...This is something I feel I need to learn too. I try to please a lot of people and they end up running roughshod over me. You're very brave. I find it very difficult saying no to a man if I ever loved him.Sugabellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17943638849867603413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-2240285183726029182013-02-17T13:38:37.899+03:002013-02-17T13:38:37.899+03:00Demashi, your comment had me cracking up. LOL @ ‘s...Demashi, your comment had me cracking up. LOL @ ‘she doesn’t like disturbing people’!! Yeah, it’s important to be careful. I mean, I still say ‘yes’ to a lot of things, but I’m training myself to be more discerning, to consider things more carefully, and to be less impulsive whenever I feel sympathy. (Hey! What are you insinuating about Igbo women? That’s too much of a sweeping generalization!!). I think the cake was taken as an indication of your willingness to give mindlessly (so she must’ve been really shocked in the end). I’m asking myself what sort of vibe I give that sends others a similar message. I find that it’s hard to try and change who you are, but if who you are tends to invite harm, then some sort of change is definitely worth it. Thanks for coming back several times.rmjhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02523070262874253128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7054039536263786770.post-26871005056002239042013-02-17T01:54:33.062+03:002013-02-17T01:54:33.062+03:00Hi Rmj,
Been dropping by your blog for the past f...Hi Rmj,<br /><br />Been dropping by your blog for the past few weeks and it's great to have you back. <br /><br />And indeed, one has to learn how to say no. This is a message my wife had been subtly trying to pass accross to me cos she thought people were taking advantage of my constant willingness to help & I infact decided to pay heed to this in 2013. <br /><br />Folks tend to stretch their luck too far when they see that you always accede to their demands or rarely say no. A while ago I had to ask a junior colleague why it's only me she finds it comfortable to ask for help and not others like her direct boss; and her response is that she doesn't like disturbing people (of which I am exception), that really got me thinking. <br /><br />Just yesterday I had to refuse someone who had now taken my "nice guy" approach for granted by asking me for money/help at differing times (we work in the same industry by the way & can't classify her a a needy/broke person). I sort of kept my distance for a while but decide to call to say hi on val's day and followed this up by sending her a cake as she moaned about not getting any action on cupid's day. She later called to appreciate my gesture and said she thought I had resolved to keep my distance from her in the new year, of which I responded with a grin. Next day she was at it again asking for favours. I was like, this lady doesn't get it, I know she's Igbo and likes money (in fact her name should have been prefixed with Ego-) but she should more discreet about it. I had to say No and was pretty surprised at myslef for offering a flat refusal.<br /><br />Later that day at work, a contract staff whom I had helped with part payment of her part-time university fees a while ago sent a distress message that she need money and was hungry blah blah blah. I left my desk to go see her and got seneraded with tales of how she's broke and needs to pay her final year fees in a week. I asked her why she's left it this late when she very well knew she had to pay the fees at this time. I told her this could have been managed better and it would be unfair for her to expect me to start running around for her at this point in time (something I would have done in the not-too-distant past). I gave her some money to get through the weekend and told her that i'd love to help but I travel the following week and have a couple of things to take care of myself. I wished her luck and promised to check with her when I get back (by which time I hope she would have sorted this out). <br /><br />I think I'd rather commit to helping family members with valid needs rather than random people who have now shown that their relataionship with me is based on my meeting their needs and nothing else.<br /><br />----Demashi Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com